InsaneJournal

It wasn’t me, I know.

It wasn’t my fault that I hurt them.

I was controlled, possessed, used.

Used to hurt them.

It wasn’t me.

But I still feel like it was.

Here I huddle in the dark, left broken and tormented by what was done to me. Waiting for them to come. For them to come and end it all.

I know they will.

They won’t believe that I was controlled.

I don’t know if anyone will believe it.

I want them to. I want them to know it wasn’t me that did those things.

I want to say I’m sorry.

But I don’t think I’ll get the chance.

Light suddenly pours in, blinding me and I cringe away from it, curling further in on myself. Slowly steps cross the floor and someone kneels next to me, gently placing a hand on my back.

“Molly.”

“C-Carlos,” I stammered in reply. I kept my head down, staring at the cold concrete floor. He wasn’t one of the ones I hurt…but he probably saw the destruction I left behind.

I couldn’t look at him.

Not now.

Not after this.

His hand gently touched my chin, lifting my head up. I closed my eyes before I could see his face and he sighed.

“Dios, Molly, look at me.”

I can’t.

I can’t.

“Molly, its okay,” said Carlos, his warm and solid hand cupping my cheek now. “We got him. He went after Harry himself and gloated about what he did when he thought he’d won. Harry fried him for it too and didn’t leave enough for us to fill a matchbox with.”

“I…I’m not being blamed?”

“No.” He pressed a feathery light kiss on my forehead and breathed, “You’re safe, Molly. You are safe.”

Thank God.

Thank God.

They knew. They knew!

My throat tightened and my shoulders hitched violently as the tears came. I started sobbing from stress and joy then and he folded me into his arms, my face pressed into his shoulder. He hugged me and I felt safe and secure; he was there for me and for nothing else. Between sobs I inhaled his familiar scent and that of his gray cloak.

I wanted to stay here forever.

Where I felt safe.

He shifted then and pulled one arm away from me, loosening the pin that held his cloak. Then he wrapped it around me, taking my hands and folding my fingers around the edges and pinned it loosely. “There,” he murmured, as he wiped my tears away with his thumbs as both hands cupped my cheeks. Then he kissed my forehead again and I finally opened my eyes to look at him, our gazes catching for a brief moment before his darted away. “Its okay. Everything is okay.”

“I didn’t kill anyone, did I?”

“No, no,” he murmured reassuringly. His hands found my hair and danced through them, lovingly caressing. “Everyone he sent you after is fine. Sergeant Murphy’s leg is fractured, Harry has a few singes, and Thomas is a bit bruised but they’re all fine. And all worried about you.”

“After I did that?!” I shrieked. “No, no, they shouldn’t. I’m horrible. Worthless.”

Carlos scowled and said, “What, because you can’t fight someone that got in your head? That’s the toughest thing anyone can do, Molly. And you fought, didn’t you?”

I nodded and breathed, “Every moment.”

He smiled and leaned forward so his forehead rested against mine, his eyes closed. “Then that’s all that matters. The fighting is the important part, girl, not the winning.”

“And besides,” he continued, opening his eyes. “Would I love you so much if you were really such a horrible person?”

I would hope you would, Carlos.

I would want you to try and change me if I turned into that.

“No,” I replied softly. He nodded then kissed me, gently and sweetly, and I started crying again – in happiness this time. And he didn’t ask a thing; he just kissed those tears away and sat there on that cold concrete floor with me until I recovered.

“The Council wanted to talk to you,” he said softly, brushing his fingers through my hair. “Harry convinced them to hold off on it until we could find you and make sure you were alright. He’s outside, by the way, and we’re ready to take you home when you are.”

Home?

Home is here, Carlos. Home is sitting here wrapped in your arms, in this comfort and safety I feel when here.

Nowhere else is home. Not anymore.

“Not yet,” I breathed, leaning into his chest. “Please. Not yet.”

He seemed about to say that I couldn’t do that then sighed, wrapping his arms around me again.

“Alright,” he whispered.

Then he pulled me to my feet, his cloak still around me, and led me out of the apartment building where my tormentor had left me to be found. Harry was leaning against the Beetle by the sidewalk, his chin dropped to his chest and seemingly gone to sleep standing up. Even so, I could see dark bruises and a gauze patch covering most of his right cheek and extending down his neck underneath his shirt.

Oh, Harry.

I’m sorry.

He woke up as we approached and smiled at me cheerfully. But I saw the dark circles under his eyes and a haunted look within those dark orbs.

Had he really thought I’d gone bad for a moment?

“I’m sorry,” I breathed, dropping my gaze from his. He sighed in response and laid a hand on my shoulder, causing me to look back up at him.

“It wasn’t you,” he said gruffly in a tired voice. “I know that. But you really had me worried there for a moment.”

You thought I had gone bad. And you were ready to take the responsibility and kill me.

Oh God, Harry. I’m so sorry.

Then he looked at Carlos and asked, “Home?”

“Your place.”

“My place?”

“Your place,” repeated the younger man. Harry frowned then shrugged and said, “Alright.”

The ride was silent on the way back and I fidgeted in the backseat. When we got there and inside, Harry muttered a ‘good night’ and vanished into his bedroom, presumably to crash. I bit my lip and stared after him before going to sit on the couch.

Carlos came and sat next to me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders as I leaned towards him. I laid my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes, reveling in the feeling of safety that came in his arms. And here in Harry’s apartment – I knew I was safe here too.

He pressed a gentle kiss against my forehead and breathed, “You should sleep.”

“I can’t,” I murmured in response even though I could feel exhaustion creeping up on me. The stress had hidden it before but now I felt it full force.

“I’ll watch over you.”

His fingers danced through my hair and lulled me towards sleep. Sighing, I started to give in and asked, “Promise?”

“Cross my heart,” he replied with a smile. A cheesy response, I thought, but I loved it anyway.

“Okay.”

I shifted and lay down on the couch, my head pillowed on his leg and his cloak curled around me in a snug cocoon. His hand continued dancing through my hair and the caress moved me closer to sleep with every new shift in the dance.

Just before I drifted off, I whispered, “Carlos.”

“Molly?”

“Love you.”

I sensed his smile and his warm fingers continued their little dance.

“Love you too.”

And I slept, safe and warm.

And loved.